September 8, 2015 – Scattering seeds

The painting “Still” that found its home this weekend.

Listen to this post:

I have just spent three days at the Sausalito Art Festival, showing and selling my artwork. This is the eighth year in a row that I’ve been invited to show at this festival – one of the top outdoor art shows in west, if not in the whole country. Thousands of people see my artwork over the three days. Because of the caliber of the event, there is the expectation that I would sell lots of art. And the booth fee is commensurate with that expectation! Aye yai yai!

Yesterday was hot, which generally makes for slow sales. We all spend energy coping with the heat, that would otherwise be available to paying attention to the festival go-ers and they to the artwork. Yesterday I had just one sale all day. “Still”- the original painting – sold. It’s always exciting to sell an original and doing so, planted in me magical-thinking, “maybe today will be a banner day” kind of expectation. But…and…that’s not the way it went. Please don’t read me wrong – I’m very grateful for that one sale and that it was a good sized one! But, my expectation of land office business didn’t pan out.

I had several print sales over the previous two days and in the end, I did just fine this weekend. The bills will be paid plus some. But I remind myself, that filling the financial coffers is so not the only reason I do these events. The Sausalito Art Festival offers me the opportunity to share my work in all its forms, with more new people than in anything else I do. My weekend was filled with one encounter after the next, that made the weekend an incredible success, whether art and money changed hands or not.

Here are a few that stand out to me:

• A young woman (seemed she was in her 20’s, but I could be way off!) came into my booth and her eyes spontaneously brimmed with tears – she didn’t exactly know why, but she just couldn’t keep them from coming. She kept saying “I’m sorry” as she wiped her eyes. As I handed her a tissue, I gently said that she so did not need to apologize. I told her she made my day. Who doesn’t want to have someone moved to tears when just looking at her art?
• Two women who live in Austin, Texas, took the time to read every one of my story cards and my artist statement. They told me how my writing impressed – and moved – them. I told them how grateful I was to be so received and gotten by them. Who doesn’t want to have strangers be able to see into her soul and see beauty there?
• A young woman read the story I wrote, about why I gave the name “Blush” to the painting of the peonies in the cut glass vase – it’s related to my history with stage fright. She shared with me that she suffers terribly with it as I have. We swapped stories of the agony we’ve experienced, because of our minds’ and bodies’ reaction to speaking in front of a group of people. I told her that it’s absolutely possible to heal it – that I am completely on the other side of it and so can she be. I passed along to her information about Lee Glickstein and www.speakingcircles.com. Who doesn’t want to be able to offer real hope to someone whose suffering she knows intimately?
• I spent a long time talking to a guy a little older than I, who had recently lost his wife and is now making a new life for himself. He was really taken by “Pomegranates, Jacinta’s Garden” and was blown away by the fact that that tree was growing on an island in Croatia – a place he has a strong pull for and is headed to visit soon. We talked about the places he was going and where I’d been there. He’s considering how he can swing it to buy the painting. I told I’d work with him. This one has been around since my first year and has been waiting for its home. Who doesn’t want to have the inkling her art may end up in a place, where it’s deeply appreciated and meaningful?
• And, there were too many to count who asked about workshops and classes. After telling them about what my groups are like, they left excited that they were going to come learn with me. Who doesn’t want to know that what she has to offer, is just what someone has been looking for?
• On top of all of this, were the hugs from lots of loved ones, for whom the fullness of our lives, means we don’t meet up any other place but at these shows. I’m so grateful they put in the effort to deal with the parking and crowds to come to the festival – meaning I get to see them. One of them was Lorraine, who I met years ago in Healdsburg. She lives in New Jersey and comes out to this festival every year. She closed down my booth for me so I could make my papa’s birthday dinner. Who doesn’t want to know that people will go out of their way – at least in part – to come see and support her?

My festival booth this past weekend.

Doing these events requires energy – physical, mental, and even emotional. I want to be welcoming and engage with anyone who comes through and expresses interest. Encounters like these put the energy back in me, to keep me going hour after hour. In retrospect, I see they also affirm that I’m doing what I’m meant to do – that what I do has impact and resonance with people.

Sometimes I dream of not having to schlep all the stuff, and spend all the hours in the vulnerable place of waiting for the sales to come in – (or not). But when I consider not doing these events, I realize that I’d terribly miss being there with people, who are encountering my art. If I were just represented by galleries and in other shows where I wasn’t present, I’d miss out on these experiences – which fuel me to keep going. As artists we each have our path, we each have our way. This way fits for me – at least for now. It is in line with the emotional quality of my artwork and who I am as a person. I’m all about intimacy – it’s all over my art – it’s all over my encounters with people. And this means experiencing it – even in brief moments – is fulfilling to me.

Having a few years in with this festival, I see the overall impact – all the artists who are now in my groups – in my life – every week because of this festival. And I see those who return year after year, who eventually invest in a piece of artwork that inspires them, and those who circle back to connect, and tell me how much they love my art in their home. I’m scattering seeds without knowing how or even if they will germinate. My spiritual director, Sister Mary keeps reminding me that I’m in this for the infinite game. There is calling and mission in why I do this.

I also see all the support that has made my doing this possible – my husband for supporting my life, my incredible mama for always doing all she can to support me. This year my nephew Brad, Tom O’Neil, Carla and Alicia came out to help with the setup. Jeffrey was my support angel on Sunday, and Mama spent the day with me yesterday – beaming her love and pride all over me and my booth. After writing this, I’m headed down with Brad to go take it all down and put it all away until next year. I’m hoping there will be a next year – we never know who the jury will select. And in the meantime, I have faith that the seeds – at least some of them – that were scattered over the past three days, will sprout and flower in ways I cannot know in this moment.

With my love and gratitude,

Cara