March 17, 2015 – Renewing my appreciation for work

I have been work-ing on my painting. Almost done!

Listen to this post:

Families have cultures. My family’s culture surrounds two things:  food/cooking and work/being productive.  My dad was a high school teacher, and before my mom went to work full time when I was about junior high age, we had both of them around all summer.  My memories of those summers are filled with all the stuff that got done – projects, lots of projects:  the vegetable garden and fruit trees and fences and putting up fruit and painting walls. My brothers made a tree fort in the oak tree on the side yard.  Mom did macramé sculptures. Dad threw pots in the ceramics studio in our garage.  Mom taught me to sew and I made clothes for my dolls and later for myself.

In 1973 we had a bigger house built – more projects!  It was a very 70’s style house – sided with rough cedar – it had big open beam ceilings and a partial shed roof.  My dad and mom made all the interior doors, by hand, out in the woodshop.  And they built the stone paths in the garden – with the blue-green serpentine rocks we all had to gather from the property, and scrub clean of dirt in a wheelbarrow full of water.  My dad and brothers poured exposed aggregate concrete patios and built stairs and decks.  Mom tiled floors, counters and an entire sunken-tub bathroom. We never ate store-bought desserts of any kind. They were made from scratch – along with breads, jams, egg pasta noodles, pickles.

There is a word in Croatian – my mom is full blooded – that she uses: “vrijedan”– it has a complicated meaning, it translates in English to:  active, agile, busy, deserving, diligent, hardworking, industrious, rich, studious, valuable, worthy.  To be called vrijedan in my family is a good thing, a really good thing. I intuitively know what it means, having heard it so much all my life, but it was interesting to look it up and see the range of words needed to translate it! This absolutely reinforces my sense of the word and how it was used. It was instilled in us that being worthy means being capable and working hard, which would (hopefully) lead to being rich!

And someone who was the opposite my dad described as having their “hands painted on.” It was relatively recently when I realized what this actually meant!  It meant being like a wooden toy that didn’t have actual hands, just the illustrated shapes of hands painted on its body. (I always thought it meant someone with wet paint on their hands and thus couldn’t use them!) If your hands were painted on, you are unskilled, clumsy, inept.  And this is a not a good thing to be called.

In my quest to know what being feminine is like, to know how to really find ease in life, I wish that I knew more how to rest and to play.  This has me bemoaning how deep this working-hard culture is in me.  The vacations we take most often – to Kauai and Tahoe – I paint a whole lot. I love to paint – but it’s not rest. It can be really hard!  I’m amazed at how infrequently Joe and I think to go do something “recreational” like head to the beach or even go to the movies!  Some of this is a lack of energy (from working so hard!), but some of it is that we just don’t think of it!    And yet, I wouldn’t give up knowing how to work, and even work hard, for anything.

Making art is hard.  Growing a business is hard.  Learning to speak a new language is hard.  Mastering a musical instrument is hard. Sometimes marriage is hard.  I see my family and dear friends with kids and think being a parent has to be the hardest job there is.  All of these things require of us to apply ourselves and work, yes, often work very, very hard.

The alternative – if someone does not know how to work hard and/or does not know the value of working hard – is far worse.  We live in a manifest world, where stuff has to get done to support our physical lives.  Someone has to grow our food, and build our roads and houses and cars and make our clothes and devices – and on and on.  To dis-honor work is to disconnect with the web that supports our existence.  And it disconnects us with our own power, our own capacity to have impact in a real way. I think that all humans want, along with love and belonging, to know that they spend their life in a way that matters to others – to make and thus be a contribution.

Making work real is so in me. I look back at my own progression – I was totally inspired to be a life coach, it was/is in my bones, but, after taking all the courses, when it came down to actually building a practice I was stymied.  Something was missing.  Now I know.  What happens in my watercolor groups, though it’s not as focused and consciously oriented, is life coaching of a sort. Lives are transforming, while they are doing something that is real – learning to paint.  And there are real outcomes – paintings and practical skills that have been gained.

A couple weeks ago I heard an interview of UC Berkeley sociologist Christine Carter who has recently written a book “The Sweet Spot – How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work.”  The sweet spot she talks about is doing work that gives us energy, instead of taking it away.  It’s an ideal and not all people on earth have the privilege to do this, but it’s a place to look – especially for those who either are used up by what they do or those who for various reasons and life circumstances are disconnected with their own capacity to work and how it’s good for them.

Also if we don’t appreciate work, we don’t fully appreciate the hard work of others.  Work – even in the “sweet spot” – requires fuel.  The most important – and effective – way we can help restore others who work on our behalf is to offer them our appreciation.  Meister Eckhart is quoted as saying “thank you” is a prayer; I say it is also the cheapest and most renewable form of energy on the planet!

Thank you for fueling me to keep writing each week.  If I didn’t have you there, knowing you are reading, I would not have it in me to do this!

Love,

Cara