August 4, 2015 – Moments of ecstasy

[I’m still on vacation with Joe and Bo in Tahoe. I’ll resume recording next week.]

It’s early morning – a time of day that I’m meant for. We are up in Lake Tahoe for our annual vacation with Anne and Gary, Joe’s sister and brother-in-law, and good friends Dan and Carol. The sun has come up from behind the mountains on the east side of the lake, and is peeking through the trees. I’m surprised I’m so wide awake. I went to bed after midnight last night – really late for me. We had a party last night here, and I stayed up to clean the kitchen. For me it makes such a big difference to wake up to a tidy kitchen, that it’s worth missing out on a little sleep. My friend Sara told me what her mom says: if you say goodnight to your kitchen, it says good morning to you! I so get this!

There were 11 of us – the six of us, and Rosemary and Michael, and their three adult daughters – a family we see at the beach every summer, but with whom we’d never spent an evening. We all gathered at the house we’ve rented for 10 days. It has a big east-facing deck that stretches all the way north and south along the side of the house, and it’s up on the second story, putting the view almost at the top of the surrounding trees. Last night was a clear night, and we had the most incredible view of the night sky. We turned off all the lights in the house to see them even better. There was the Milky Way, clear as could be, and so many stars, it was hard to pick out any constellations except the Big Dipper. To top it off, there were shooting stars for a bit of suspenseful action. When one happened, we all exclaimed “ohhhh!!!”. It was magic.

I had made pizza dough earlier in the day, Danny made sauce, and everyone brought toppings and yummy appetizers – ahi poke and homemade potstickers. Each person made their own pizza that we cooked either out on the deck in the Weber barbeque, or in the oven. A big salad and root beer floats, and it was a really fun dinner for our summer vacation. When we were out on the deck, all gazing up into deep space, I leaned over to Joe and told him I was having one of those “it doesn’t get any better than this” moments: sweet people, yummy and fun food, a warm evening, engulfed in the majesty of the universe.

These are experiences we can’t order up. It could have been cloudy as it was two nights before; we could have been inside doing jigsaw puzzles with baseball on the TV, as we have been most other nights. Nothing wrong with that – we should do what we enjoy while on vacation. But last night just happened. And I had a moment of ecstasy. One of the many things I’ve learned from Alison Armstrong, is to pay attention and really take in these moments. Ecstasy is how the feminine is re-fueled. It’s the expansion in the middle of my chest that comes with experiencing joy, beauty, connection, deep appreciation of someone or something, music that touches me, extra-delicious food and other sensual pleasures. And since the feminine is our life-bringing, life-sourcing energy, it’s really important that it be recharged!

I’ve had other such moments since been here a week ago yesterday:

• Standing at the kitchen counter working on my painting, while listening to John Denver sing Sweet Surrender. (Yes, I know I can be sappy. But it was my moment of ecstasy!)
• Yesterday’s morning swim with Bo in the lake – which has the cleanest, purest water I’ve ever been in – with the sun shining on the surface.
• Two days ago on our morning hike, I was following my hubby and dog on the trail along the ridge, feeling my immense love for these two beings.
• A few nights ago watching the sky get bright with lightening, and then hearing the boom of thunder – I love summer storms in the mountains.
• A conversation with Rosemary at the beach about grace, and President Obama’s eulogy of Clem Pinkney that gave us both goosebumps.

Then there are the “other” moments too. Last night, in the middle of our magic evening, I blurted out about someone dumping food into the recycling bucket – I was critical and crabby. And I felt ugly afterwards. More than a few times, I’ve asked myself why I ate so much. Dan is a chef and we eat SO well up here, that it’s hard not to overeat. But doing so doesn’t give my stomach moments of ecstasy! I’ve also had to talk myself out of being frustrated, that I’m not going to finish the painting I’m working on. I almost always bring home a finished painting from our Tahoe trips. But this one has a lot of detail and, though I am spending time painting, it’s not going very fast. I keep feeling that I’m “behind schedule.”

I woke this morning from a dream, that seems to relate to what’s coming to me today. In my dream someone was talking to a woman who was depressed, unhappy and stuck. What I heard her being told is that life brings pain, suffering and disappointment, but it also brings wonderful things – moments of ecstasy. The counsellor in my dream said what we must strive for, is to have a heart that can hold it all at the same time. I’ve done a bit of “dream work” – seeking to understand messages that may be in my dreams. I’ve heard it said, that all the people in our dreams are aspects of us. So I’m that woman who is struggling, and I am that source of wisdom too.

Summer seems to pass us by faster and faster. The past few years I’ve been on a personal campaign to try to slow it down, by noticing that it is summer and enjoying it! As I finish this, the sun is up, above the trees, and is really warm on my cheek. I’m now really hearing the birds making their sounds. I just looked up and noticed the semolina flour dusted on the deck around the BBQ, and felt again the magic from last night. It is summer. This is our last full day here – we head back home tomorrow. And after sharing this with you, I want to dial up even more acutely my radar for moments of ecstasy. I hope you – at least those of you in this half of the world – are enjoying moments of summertime ecstasy too.

With my love,

Cara