October 20, 2015 – Mama

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On this day in 1938, Dragica Nizetich had her third baby – the first one to be born in a hospital – her first two were born at home. They named her Amelia Carla Nizetich and called her “Melia,” (pronounced “MAIL-ya”). The world knows this woman as the one-and-only Niz, I know her as Mama. We all have the life-force animating our bodies, but my mom got an extra dose – she came into this world a force of nature. She was driving (without a license) at 14, had a fake ID at 16, graduated from Long Beach State University in the first class to graduate female Chemistry majors – but she added a Math major to that – and finished up in three and a half years. You see, she had fallen head over heels in love with this handsome guy, Jim Brown, and she was anxious to be done with college, so she could move to northern California to marry him and start having his babies!

They married in January and my brother Joe was born before the end of the year, and I came 11 months later, all while she worked full time to help support us, while my dad finished his degree and got his teaching credential. She had all 4 of us by the time she was 25, and had three in diapers at a time – without a diaper service and this was before disposables! She helped my dad build a stone retaining wall in the backyard, taking breaks to breastfeed my younger brother Matt. She marched against the war in Vietnam, was active in school board politics, she made dozens of loaves of bread to sell at the holiday fairs in the Valley. She taught me to sew my own clothes and make jam and apple strudel – including the stretch dough from scratch – as well as how to hang wallpaper and set tile. After dinner she never joined us all to watch “Sonny and Cher” or “The Carol Burnett Show,” she had to be doing something. She made these incredible macramé sculptures with glass fishing floats and driftwood (yes this was the 60’s and 70’s!). Then, she went back to work! She became a successful real estate agent, at the same time she established and ran a carpet business called “A Design Affaire.” It seems she’s always had the capacity for more than one job at a time.

When most people her age have been long retired, she is still a full-time realtor. She has run an independent brokerage – NIZ Realty – in downtown Larkspur for decades. She’s got to be the best residential real estate broker in Marin. ( And no, I’m not at all biased!) Truly, she knows the business inside and out, she’s a strong advocate, but also a solutions-oriented deal maker. And, she does everything in her capacity (which is considerable) to help her clients – far further than any other realtor I know. I’ve even watched her go to bat for the other agent’s clients, if they aren’t. Over her many years in the business she’s cleaned up many, many properties that have been run-down and filled with the discarded remains of people’s lives. She’s turned them into beautiful places that someone new will make a home. We’re talking paint, refinishing floors, carpet, yard cleanup, new lawns. Some of these have been actual remodel projects, that she has managed for her clients. I can’t think of one time she has turned someone away, telling them their property was too overwhelming to take on. There’s really no one who works harder for her clients.

I never played any sports, or was involved in any performing arts when I was growing up. So, I didn’t have my family come to my games or performances. I waited until mid-life, with my art events, to engender that kind of support. Besides my sweetheart providing the support so I could answer the call to make art central to my life, my Mama has been the single biggest contributor to my life as an artist and teacher. She has been my crew – lifting panels, setting up the booth with me, schlepping paintings and boxes of greeting cards, being there to spell me when I need a break. She drove all the way to southern California with me – twice – each time giving up 5 days of her busy life so I could sell art in La Jolla. She flew to New York when I did Art Expo. I think if I did an art show on the moon, she’d be there.

Now that leading art groups has become such an important part of my life and work, she contributes even more. (Yes, it seems there is no end to the extent she will go.) Twice a week and on some weekends, she makes her real estate offices in Larkspur available to me and to those who come to paint with me – as her gift. It has become our art home, we are calling ourselves the 537 Magnolia Artists – and she puts the roof over our heads.

With all she does and all she gives, what’s most precious to me now, though, is that she and I have become true friends. Her mother died when she was 19 and I have no daughters, so having this mother/adult-daughter friendship is an enormous blessing for both of us. And it is an example of how real transformation does happen in life. As her only girl, all the mother-daughter “stuff” was centered on our relationship. She’s always had my best interest in mind, but being a force of nature, has meant that she’s attempted to wield that force in my life (my brothers’ lives too) in ways that I often didn’t find helpful in the moment.

We each have the privilege to live our own lives, make our own mistakes and then grow because of them. I’ve never had kids, so I don’t know how this actually feels, but I can imagine that it’s incredibly hard to let these beings you brought into this world, who you love more than life itself, to stumble and fall. I imagine that it would go against all instinct to do this. And Mama’s capacity to step in and help people when they look like they need it is – as you can see – enormous. But I didn’t appreciate where this was coming from, and it caused a lot of friction between us. At one point, we spent 6 months without seeing each other or speaking to each other, which, though incredibly hard, was a necessary step in our process.

On top of this, I look a lot like her – we’ve been called sisters many times, which makes me feel weird, but of course she loves it! And, as much as I am blessed to have – almost – as much energy as she has, I am a very different person in many ways. It’s felt like I’ve had to wrestle my way from being seen as “Little Niz.” And I have. I am fully separate and distinct. I am so very “Cara.”

It took me over 40 years to really figure out how to let this amazing woman mother me. And like the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening, I cannot imagine life without her. Fortunately, she’s blessed with fantastically good health and has longevity in her genes, so it is very likely we won’t have to know what that will be like for a long, long time.

I love you my Mama! Happy Birthday and Cent’anni!