December 6, 2017 – Awaiting what is to come

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In case you didn’t notice, I didn’t post last week.  The off-the-top reason was that it was my birthday and I was very busy receiving one phone call after another from my loved ones, singing and celebrating me – in the middle of what ended up as a whole birthday week!  And, the deeper reason is that the impetus to write has felt vague and distant again – sort of like it did in the summer when I was overwhelmed by life and took a few weeks off, only this is different.  Since before Thanksgiving I’ve been wanting to be more inside than outside myself.  I’ve come to know this feeling is right in line with the overlapping seasons:  winter – the season we are heading into on this half of the earth, and Advent – the season in the faith tradition that is closest to my heart.

For most of my life Advent was just the name of the calendars that opened with a piece of chocolate for each day before Christmas.  When I was part of a progressive church for a dozen years that spanned my 40’s I learned what it really is.  The time before Christmas is not a season of doing-doing-doing as is the cultural norm with parties and shopping and decorating, on top of everything else we do, but is rather a season of inner-preparation and waiting.

I had signed up for a meditation retreat that was supposed to take place this past weekend.  My dear Sister Mary Neill was to lead us in silence, prayer and meditation on the “fullness and emptiness of time” in this season of waiting.  Choosing to check out of the normal pace for a whole weekend in the midst of the holidays felt counter-cultural.  Since 2007 I have done an open studio the first weekend in December – and with other things on the calendar I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to offer fans of Life in Full Color a time to come see my art and shop for holiday gifts.  But a part of me was really, really looking forward to the time to be inside myself.  Sister Mary had to cancel the retreat because of a situation with her health, so went ahead and planned the open studio.  It was good, I’m glad I did it, but that same part of me that was hungering for silence and stillness and time to wonder what is to come – is still here.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this year 2017 that is winding down.  It’s been a big year in a lot of ways, much of it quite challenging.  And I do want to write about it – it feels like I have something to share.  But until the words tell me it’s time for them to come out I’m pressing pause again, to celebrate the end of another year with my groups of artists and have Christmas with my families.  I will bake cookies, make panettone and ship out calendar orders as they come in.  And in the midst of all of that I will honor the part of me that is longing for stillness and silence in my creative life.

If there is one thing that seems to be rising this year it is that the time has come to honor ourselves.  Please join me in whatever way you are being called to do just this.

With my love,

Cara