January 12, 2016 – Showing up

Listen to this post:

Last night while I was painting, I was having a conversation with my dear friend, Vicki. At one point, she said “You show up. You show up for your family, for your friends, for your students, you show up in your life.” I love Vicki and our friendship. She affirms me in a very particular way, that provides such support to me. After she said this, we had a whole conversation about “showing up.” It then occurred to me, that I could write about “showing up” this morning. I continue to be amazed by how ideas for these posts come to me. There’s something about having made the commitment to write every week, that puts the sources of inspiration on notice – that by first thing Tuesday morning, I’ll be needing some!

Vicki is right, I do show up. I was born to a family of people who all really show up. We show up for each other, for our work, for the people in our lives. It’s what we do. Vicki and I wondered what has us show up – what causes our engagement. Environment seems to play a part – either we were raised in a family that shows up, or we show up as a response to having been raised in a family that didn’t. What occurs to me this morning, is that showing up is related to being connected. We show up for who and what we feel connected to. And – in order to show up, we have to have a sense of our own value – somewhere along the way we got that who we are matters, what we bring matters, and our making a contribution matters. All of this energizes us to show up in life.

My writing this morning was interrupted by my brother-in-law, Paul. He’s a plumber and he came over to fix the leaky flapper in the upstairs toilet. So, I asked him what “showing up” means to him and why he shows up. He told me: I don’t have to show up. I’m an independent person, and have the freedom to show up or not show up. But I choose to show up because it increases my humanity. It’s a vitamin. Showing up is important – there’s a power in showing up. If I don’t show up, my humanity is eroded.

I think he’s speaking to that connection.

I have so many people in my life who show up for me – my husband, my mom, my friends, the artists in my groups. All of you who come to shows to see me and my work, show up for me. Being on the receiving end of showing up is both wonderful and challenging. It’s wonderful to be so supported, and it’s hard sometimes to receive all that comes my way – all the ways in which I’m contributed to. It takes a sense of our own value, to fully be on the receiving end of showing up too.

If you look for it, the pull to show up to in life is everywhere. Our help is needed in all kinds of ways. Events lure for our attention. People invite us to be with them. And we can’t show up for everything. Our lives offer us a limited amount of time, energy and attention. Showing up too much for our work or causes in the world, can mean we don’t show up enough for our families or our bodies – or to listen to the whispers of our souls. It’s a dance, a balance. Showing up, as Paul said, is choosing.

This got me wondering what it really means to show up. The definitions I found online though didn’t seem complete. They center around making an appearance, being present, materializing. This is part of it, but it misses a whole lot. There’s also a being quality to showing up, as in being present, focusing, paying attention – as well it also means taking action, supporting, pitching in.

Woody Allen is famously quoted has saying, that “eighty percent of life is showing up.” On his Wikiquote page, there is a more extensive quote which expands upon this, talking about the difference between wanting to write a novel or screenplay, and actually writing one. Yes, we also can show up – or not – for our creative work. This means making an appearance at the keyboard, or in the studio, present, focusing our attention – and taking action. Showing up for my painting requires me to sit down and paint!

Yesterday morning our group show came down – the Incredible Edibles show at the Marin Civic Center. There was lots of art to pack into the truck, and deliver to Larkspur and to my house. There were calendar orders to pack and get to the post office. Then I had my regular Monday admin work to do – this meant I didn’t get home until 7:30, and by the time I had a bite to eat and cleaned up, it was almost 8:30. I really, really wanted to cozy up on the couch, and watch Sunday’s Downton Abbey episode. (We were out Sunday night, so I missed it.) Because of how the day went, I hadn’t painted yet, so instead – because of my commitment to paint every day this year – I showed up and painted while I talked to Vicki. I made this commitment, because I’m connected to the creative source and expressing it through my art. Connection and commitment leads to showing up.

In the Strenthsfinder world, my number one strength is “Connection.” Connection is the filter through which I see all of life. It may be because of this, that for me “showing up” is directly related to connection. Having started this conversation with Vicki, and continued it with Paul while exploring it here with you, has me wanting to look for the ways in which we show up for each other – for life. I imagine I will see the connectedness that is everywhere. Try it on. See if this way of looking at it works for you too.

They say that ministers have only one sermon, and each Sunday they offer a slightly different version, another perspective on the same message. After 14 months of weekly posts, I’m starting to see the same. There is a thread that winds through many of my posts. The way in, the starting place may be different, but there is something about the connection that is there amidst the dual nature of our incarnate world, that is what I want to share in this life of mine. Today, I see that showing up is a way that this connection is made real.

With my love and gratitude for our connection,

Cara