Description
It was about six in the evening in early April this year (2014) and I was driving home from Joe’s office. The sun low in the sky, driving by St. Raphael’s church in San Rafael, the light on these Joseph’s Coat roses grabbed my steering wheel and pulled my car over to the side of the street. Good thing there were empty spaces at the curb! A thought flew by about how impulsive I am and I hopped out and took a bunch of photos with just my iPhone. One of the three of this series had to be painted! I messed with the image in Photoshop, combining bits from other views, moving a couple things around and even shifting the color of two of the roses (from reddish to yellow!). It was ready to paint.
After finishing “Happy” in early June, I uncharacteristically bounced around between 3 paintings (I am almost always a one-at-a-time ‘til it’s done painter), but couldn’t get into any of them. Mid-July I put them all aside and drew this one. In a color class I taught in June, I was playing with mixing Cobalt Teal Blue (PG 50) – think swimming pool turquoise – with a series of pigments from yellow to coral. I loved the chart of colors that it made, so summery and fresh. I decided to limit myself to those paints and see what happened. I had to add in Pthalo Green (PG 36) in order to get any dark greens (gotta have some dark!). But all the violets and maroons and browny yellows are a made with Cobalt Teal Blue and combinations of blue-reds through yellows. Even the sky – I used no blue pigment. It ended up textured because the Cobalts don’t mix, they separate.
Jubilee is another one-word song title. Nineteen years ago, I got divorced to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s Stones in the Road album. The song “(The) Jubilee” met my heart’s desire for my soon-to-be-former husband to come home to “the Jubilee” instead of wandering in the spiritual wilderness. Something we can only wish for each other – we each have our own path. Fast forward (very fast) to a few weeks ago, I saw myself as the wilderness wanderer. I was continuing to torture myself over something that I had done several years ago. One morning, the day after the event had been brought up again, I was working on this painting, when I heard “Jubilee” again. For the first time, I was the one the song was being sung to. I was invited to the land of forgiveness and freedom. Through lots of tears and a few chuckles, I realized how for more than 50 years I’ve lived this life with a tyrannical compulsion to be perfect, and a strong resistance to ever see myself as less than. If I said or did something wrong, or God-forbid, hurt someone, I hung myself from the hook for ever. Jubilee is forgiveness of debt, freedom from slavery and a big, huge celebration – every 50 years.
I was asked why I’d included the faded, floppy rose in the composition. Besides it being super fun to paint – all those curls, colors and splotches, it needed to be here. It’s not the “perfect” rose – and it makes this painting for me – it gives it soul. The promise of the bud is sweet, and has its place. But the Jubilee really lives in the rose that has lived more of its life and is still connected to the vine that is hanging from a wooden cross (which I didn’t realize until driving by later!) lit through by the evening sun. Today, for me, that’s perfection.
July-August 2014
