December 16, 2014 – Let it shine

Listen to this post:

This past week my coach, Lissa Boles, suggested I share with you why I now write a journal post every week.   In thinking about this, I reflected on how, as much as I love to write and am told how much people appreciate it, it was SO not that way for much of my life.  In high school I loved Math, Physics, Chemistry and French. Proving geometric theorems was fun!  Give me any math word problem – I ate ‘em up!  But, I got through English. Blue books were not my friends.  This carried into college. I remember reading Voltaire for a Humanities class and being required to write an essay about character motivation in light of the era or something like that – and being totally, thoroughly flummoxed!  I had not a clue!  My brain just does NOT work that way!

My degree is in Computer Science and all my electives were natural sciences, classes about the natural world:  Oceanography, Geography, Geology, Meteorology.  I love maps and categorizing things.  I have a brain that loves to find order in disorder. But writing?  I subscribed to something I heard my dad say:  “writing is easy, all you have to do is stare at a piece of paper until your forehead bleeds!”  That is, until it was about something I cared about – writing stories of my experiences.  When I was going to a church that occasionally invited members of the community to offer reflections as part of the Sunday services, I started writing stories to share.  But, I really got going when preparing for my first Open Studios.  I was inspired to write a little story for each painting and put together an “Art Journal.”  I remember sitting outside on the patio with my laptop on my lap, just tapping away, one painting after the other.  I have continued for each new painting I’ve done since.  And all these stories are on my website, helping to further illuminate the images I paint.

What comes to me now is that the impetus to write has sprung from these places:

• I am a seeker and have been following a path of self-development for decades, demonstrating my tendency to “look under the rock.”
• Witnessing others making art for the past three years in my painting groups, has caused me to consciously observe, and start to see patterns in the creative process.
• I’m a connecter – I see patterns, similarities, parallels (there’s that logic brain, who knew?!) And it seems useful to share the connections I see.
• What I write, like the well of paintings, is in me – there’s that quote from the Gospel of St. Thomas I included in a post in November – and I do not want to be destroyed!

For at least a few years I’ve had the sense that I had something to write, to share, beyond writing about my art.  When I started regularly posting at the beginning of October, it was in spite of the fear that I’d not keep it up – that I’d get pulled away and peter out.  This remains a risk and a possibility, but I’m into my third month and writing a post for Tuesday is becoming what I do.  The discipline is good for me. It’s growing me to do this.  At first, I thought I would need lots of feedback and response in order to keep doing it. Even though I’m getting very little, it’s ok, I’m still writing!

I appreciate very much when I hear that you read what I write and tell me that it was worthwhile for you to read it.  It definitely fuels me to keep this up. And what I didn’t expect would happen as I have continued this practice, is that I am sticking with it even if you don’t.  I am doing this because it is in me, just as I paint because the paintings are in me.  At the same time, I do need you. I didn’t start to paint with much regularity until I had an audience. Until there were people who might be wondering – and even wanting – what I might paint next.  So as it is with this journal.  If I didn’t post these online, available for you to read them, I wouldn’t feel compelled to write them.  It sounds like I’m contradicting myself.  It’s subtle, but there is a distinction.  I write because it’s in me, and I keep writing because you are there to receive it.

Sharing what comes of me – of us – is risky. We are revealed, exposed and open to judgment. And we have to face the voices inside that might say “who are you to do this?”  But the seeker in me wins out.  I write – and paint – because I am fully on the bandwagon that we are all invited on – to let our light shine.  Who doesn’t feel more alive singing “This Little Light of Mine”? (Don’t believe me, watch/hear Bruce Springsteen lead it here. I dare you to sing along!)

This piece from Maryanne Williamson is so often quoted, but it is so worth including here:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I write – and I paint – for us, which in my experience is where God lives most powerfully – in our connection. In these darkest days, this darkest season here in the northern hemisphere, when we celebrate the light, I invite you to join me, in whatever way you are called to – to let it shine.

Love,

Cara